The Real Nicole.

I saw this cartoon by naked pastor in March right at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown and I wondered if Pastor Don might actually be me by the end of the lockdown. Now I didn’t imagine we wouldn’t meet as a congregation for 38 weeks and that I’d only be there for 3 before finishing up in my role as pastor, but hey that’s what happened.  My role being made redundant has forced me to confront the questions and challenges in my head, face on and question what is next for me in terms of church, worship, ministry and a place of belonging.  It’s no secret that I struggle with a Sunday liturgy, the motions and rules and rhythm of worship, do not interest me, I find it hard to see God in those words and would much rather be at morning tea talking over life and theology with the community.  The COVID-19 pandemic has forced us as a society to reconsider many things, and I wonder if we have done enough thinking or if when we were/are able if we have snuck back to our o...

 I’ve just finished reading ‘Post Traumatic Church Syndrome’ by Reba Riley and I found this book really life giving and validating for my faith experience.  You see, over the last few years I’ve been wrestling with the deconstruction of my faith which was so tightly held in my teens and also wrestling with the sense of call to ministry which I feel so strongly, even when it feels like I am so anti church.  Reading this book helped me to have words for my experience over the last few years and in an interview I did for radio recently, I found words to articulate the wrestle I’ve had. I don’t identify as a Christian, not because I don’t believe those things but because that label has been used to do a lot of damage. I am a person of faith. Faith in a God who loves unconditionally, faith in an institution that continues to seek new ways to love and express this good news. Faith in there being Hope, in the life and witness of Jesus and in the institution of the church and hop...

 It's been 200 days since restrictions came into place for the Covid19 Pandemic and i've been in various lockdown restrictions. I've been in a mood  for about a week now. I want to be really clear straight up, I think the restrictions are completely necessary and I am grateful that I have been kept safe and healthy from what is a very contagious virus and im thankful that by these restrictions i've been able to keep vulnerable people around me safe.  The thing is, i've just had enough. In Melbourne, things really suck and it's still a while until things are going to get better. We have done an amazing job going from 700 cases a day to 14 a day. But its been a long 6 months. And with new clusters and little outbreaks around the place, its still long from over.  Its been a long time of being alone, of not seeing friends or family, its been a long time of not being able to do things such as shopping or exercising the way you are used to. A long time of checking you...

At around 25 years old, I entered a stage in life which was sort of like a quarter life crisis. I had left my ministry job in a place I loved and was feeling unsure where I was going next. I was having an identity crisis. Who was I? what was I called to and who was calling me? I searched for answers to these questions for the next few years, finding fulfilment in other ministry roles, working through being deferred from candidating for ministry, in friendships and relationships and searching for meaning in church theology, governance and polity. I blogged my confusion of identity reflecting on the popular song, ‘This Is Me’ from the movie; The Greatest Showman, explaining, “ I found myself nose-deep in books about theology and found myself for the first time actually researching and reading in an attempt to understand what I was thinking.  I have found myself stripping back my commitments in hope of finding where my passions beat most strongly.  I have left communities and fri...