The Real Nicole.

As a young child in primary school I decided I wanted a job where I could be a Christian and help people.  At 11 or 12 years old I didn’t know what that looked like.  I wanted to be a youth leader and go to local schools and connect with the students that no one liked to hang out with.  I was a child who would befriend the outcast.  I found these people so interesting.  They had stories of terrible situations, but they also thought a lot.  I loved offering advice to them and sharing my love with these friends.  By the time I was in high school I knew I was going to dedicate my life to connecting people and drawing the lonely and fringe people together.  I started a prayer group in my high school and spent a lot of time campaigning for a chaplain to be in the school because I knew chaplains were the connections to the church in a secular community. I started a social work degree after school, but during the first year I felt unsettled and ...

It started when I was road tripping with some friends and we were talking all things life, faith and future related.  I had read in my uni reading that week about vocation and was internally wrestling with my sense of call towards ministry.  The conversation was a good one, it was honest vulnerable and real, we talked about spiritual gifts and leadership, we talked about having a heart for God and a head knowledge. I shared about how I was struggling.  Struggling to make my faith personal, and deep. Struggling to focus on God and how I was often distracted by ministry and other peoples trials.  I shared that my desire was to fall more in love with God.  To be passionate and emotional about the faith I have.  I shared about how I compared who I was to others around me and how much that detracted from what I felt and knew myself.  My road trip friends encouraged me in my faith, challenging me to focus on my personal spiritual disciplines and focusing on ...

I can't do it. I am useless. I am not worth the effort. I'm just not skilled. I'd be better off being someones assistant. I'm not a real coordinator. I'm not a real pastor. I'm not qualified to deal with that. I'm a hypocrite. I'm just not worth your time. I don't deserve it.  Statements like these run through my head constantly.  They stem from statements people have said to me over my lifetime. And they come as a result of what I feel as I approach different situations. But mostly they are just self deprecating and annoying and destroying the ability to function without doubting myself. They scream the loudest when I study or prepare something which would showcase my skills and ability to lead or showcase my opinion. The dumbest thing about these statements is that I know they aren't true.  And it's statements like this I daily try to help young people reverse in their thinking.  Yet I find myself time and time again stopping and list...

I want to start by saying, if anything I say is triggering to you. Please stop reading and seek help. Mental health is a massive jerk.  There isn't really many other ways to put it. Mental health ruins lives, families, and communities. We have a problem in Australia. You see, too many people are dying from suicide every year. Heck too many people are dying each day due to suicide. Where is God? What is the hope for the future? And why the heck aren't more people training and trying to understand mental health situations. Now don't get me wrong, we have done a fair bit over the last few years to reduce the stigma of mental health, but we still have so far to go. The past 4 years of my life have been a massive eye opening experience to me about the mental health of my peers, friends, and people I meet even in day to days interactions. I have spent countless hours texting young people in crisis and ensurin they have someone safe to listen to them. I have spent too ...

Over the last few weeks, South Australia and other parts of eastern states have faced some massive storms.  Cyclone strength winds, rain, flooding landslides and statewide power outages have battered the state and left people struggling and questioning what season it really is. I have done a bit of driving recently, from my home in Naracoorte to Adelaide.  I have seen the affects of the weather on the land across the state as I've travelled and there is a few things which has stood out to me. Being the good theological student I am, I have reflected on this experience from a lens of the bible and some of my own internal turmoil currently.  Let me share some of my reflections with you. The main thing i have noticed is that the strong winds and ground which is unusually wet often results in trees falling over.  Now some trees stay standing tall, but others seem to fall over, why is that? I think the thing that makes the trees fall over is that the tree roots ar...

I went to NYALC (National Young Adult leaders Conference) this last week and I sort of hoped to have a break from leadership. In hindsight a leadership conference probably wasn't the best place for a rest and time away from leadership and ministry. But I did have a fab time. One of the things I was most challenged about was around who I am and the confidence I can have in who and what God has called me to be.  I often find myself feeling so fearful of the future and what might be in store for me. I also doubt if I am skilled, passionate or charismatic enough to do these things I'm called to do. We spent a bit of time at NYALC talking around being created in Gods image and being a child of God knowing He has gone before us.  Relating my Christian faith to family has always been something I've really struggled with and this week I wrestled with it even more than I have previously. What does it mean to say you are a child of God? When we look at family and how ...

I often talk about calling and how I so strongly felt called to move to the country to do youth ministry. I talk about wanting to listen to what God has to say about the ministry I am passionate about.  But what happens if the logistics and realities of life seem to be getting in between my calling?  For the last couple of weeks I fasted, 21 days in a Daniel fast. Meals consisting of fruit and vegetable. A spiritual practice I hadn't tried before. I did this for a few reasons. I wanted to learn some disciple in my faith. I wanted to intentionally spend time trying to draw closer to God. I wanted to allow space in my life to hear from God, particularly on matters of importance around calling and the future. I also wanted to pray around the finances of our church as it was in a bad situation.  What did I learn and hear during my fast? Not a lot and quite a lot.  I learnt that while food is a love language and a place which welcomes hospitality; for me it ...