Fasting. Listening. Calling.

I often talk about calling and how I so strongly felt called to move to the country to do youth ministry. I talk about wanting to listen to what God has to say about the ministry I am passionate about. 

But what happens if the logistics and realities of life seem to be getting in between my calling? 

For the last couple of weeks I fasted, 21 days in a Daniel fast. Meals consisting of fruit and vegetable. A spiritual practice I hadn't tried before. I did this for a few reasons. I wanted to learn some disciple in my faith. I wanted to intentionally spend time trying to draw closer to God. I wanted to allow space in my life to hear from God, particularly on matters of importance around calling and the future. I also wanted to pray around the finances of our church as it was in a bad situation. 

What did I learn and hear during my fast? Not a lot and quite a lot. 

I learnt that while food is a love language and a place which welcomes hospitality; for me it is a place where I seek comfort and I respond with food to the highs and lows of my day. This may not be the healthiest thing. I also learnt that I am not that conscious of the production of processed food and the ingredients they contain, I need to learn more about how to cook and eat better food. (I basically are baked potato and salad for 3 weeks) 

One of the other things I have come to understand is that participating in a spiritual practice such as fasting doesn't automatically draw me closer to God or make me more spiritual. I still need to make intentional time to stop reflect and hear from God. This is something I struggle with still. 

During my fast I was reminded how much of an influence I am to those around me and how much people, particularly young people are watching how I live out my faith. Initially I didn't want people to know I was fasting, I didn't want it make it seem like I was boasting, but young people are pretty observant and it only took 24hrs of being on the fast for them to start asking questions. 

Young people constantly asked; "what has God been telling you while you are eating salad?" I difficult question to answer when it sort of feels like the answer is nothing at least not obviously. 

My contract at church finishes at the end of the year. God so clearly called me to Naracoorte nearly 3 years ago. So I wonder if not clearly hearing to leave is an indication to stay. 

Everything about the reality of my next few months tells me to get ready to pack up my stuff and head back to Adelaide. I won't have the job I'm feeling so passionate about. I will need to secure alternate work in order to pay rent and afford to live. But my heart says I'm not done here. My heart says 3 more years. My heart says be there for those year 9s that started youth the same time as me. My heart says that so much good stuff is happening and now is the time to see that grow. So what do I do? 

Is God in the game of leaving a decision to the last minute? Is God in the game of paving the way for me over the last few years and then just stopping that path? 

So my fast taught me a lot with the practice of doing something spiritual but it didn't give me the answers I was looking for. Do I fast again or until I get the answer? I don't think God works like that. I can't bargain with God and I can't exactly force God to tell me. So I just wait. Wait and pray. Pray and be proactive. Be proactive by preparing to leave while looking for ways to stay.