Beyond Doubt

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At church on Sunday night the sermon was titled Beyond Doubt, it was looking at John 20:24-29. It was such a powerful message and something i was challenged with enough to bring me to tears. This passage talks about one of the disciples, Thomas who wasnt with the others when they saw the risen Lord. He struggled to believe that it was true because he hadnt seen it. For more then a week he told his friends the disciples of his struggles and wrestled with his doubt. But He never gave up on Jesus even through his doubt. i think my head went on a little side track, but when thinking about the doubt Thomas had and the fact that he still tried to find out more about Jesus and kinda continue his faith through it. It challenged me as i thought of the doubt i had, not in God necessarily but in myself and that i often give up on it and that Thomas didnt let his doubt rule him so why do i. Also because Thomas was honest about where he was his heart was open to accept later. Ive been struggling a lot recently to make my faith something more then study and ministry and something which is personal and i think i had got this idea that if i didnt have it together i wasnt good enough to lead and be tight with Jesus. i therefore doubted who i was and what God wanted me to do. As i talked this through with a few close friends i was reminded of the sermon from the week before. This sermon was about that God's grace was sufficient enough despite us not being good enough and that we are still called to be feeding and taking care of God's sheep. i was reminded to remember my call and willingness to speak into the lives of the people i lead and then trust that God will continue to work on me as i lead others and that through my weakness God will be made strong and given the glory. A lot of this knowledge is stuff ive known before but to really believe that God's grace is all i need and that He will continue to work on my life as i go through doubts of myself and in my faith as well as when i lead. I find myself frustrated at myslef because although i know it i struggle to truely believe it. One of my friends said "It eventually gets from head to heart – they’re part of the same body. Let God help you with that – be annoyed, upset, desperate, whatever emotions you feel about it as long as you continue to bring it to God." My deepest prayer is that i learn to integrate what i know from my head to my heart. My prayer is that i come to trust God more and that His grace is sufficient for me, also that i will come to believe in myself more and that even in my struggle, i am still valuable and that God can still use me.

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