6 months of overwhelming changes. Would I change it? And what does the future hold?
One thing that totally blows my mind and overwhelms me is how much my life has changed in 6 months. Now I don't mean that in a bad way, because some of the things I've done and achieved is awesome. But it really does shock me. 6 months ago I was living at home and leading in the youth group of the church I grew up in. I wasn't unhappy, I fact I loved it, I was exploring what God wanted me to do though. With my whole life for a long time. I like details, and I don't feel like I have very many in that category.
But God has sent me on this awesome journey to the country and I really love it here. I love the community and the slower pace, I love that I feel safe walking around and generally being here and there is loo worry about doors not being locked and stuff. I love the sporting community and atmosphere, I totally would have done sport growing up if it was like that in the city and you didn't have to pay a million bucks and be elite to get good sporting community.
I've made some wicked friendships since being here. I feel like when I was lonely and questioning what friendship meant these people appeared in my life and we make each other smile and laugh so much. I couldn't do without them, it would be boring and I would be uninspired without them.
The move here certainly hasn't been easy and if I'm real honest I would say there is a lot that worries me and brings me tears. I moved away from home and away from my family church 6 months ago and it's been really hard to go back. Things seem to have changed so much at church, there are heaps of new people and it's cool to hear what's going on for them, but in not a part of it and that's kind of sad. My mum and my brother seem much better off at home with a routine without me. They are cooking and cleaning and saving money better now. I'm really happy for them but sometimes I feel so far away. My niece and nephew are growing up and each time I hang out, with them they seem to want to hang out with my brother more than me. I really love them I am just distant.
Since being here, I've moved house a few times and in looking again for somewhere to move too. I really crave for the financial stability to be able to live somewhere long term but it just doesn't seem possible at the moment. Atleast I've been blessed with lovely hospitable member s of the church community who let me live in their spare room for the short term.
I've now secured 3 jobs since being here. At the church, at maccas and now at the local primary school as the cpsw or chaplain. Juggling hours and jobs and different roles is really tricky and especially when I don't have a car to get around in.
I feel really dependent on others in terms of transport and I really hate it, I feel like I lose my adulthood when I can't do things. I don't want to be dependent on others but that is the reality. I want to get my own car but am unsure if I can afford to buy one as well as pay rego and insurance and stuff.
I spend a lot of my time here trying to convince young people, friends and community members that life doesn't always suck. That there is hope and things are worth fighting for. And it's really tough thawing to have these convos all the time. Some of the stories I have heard from people are truly heart breaking and I long so much to see these people released from their pain and living free from their past. My heart breaks so much and probably much more than anyone could realise when I hear of this pain. Truth be told, sometimes life does sick, some of these stories prove it and some of these stories have made me question at times where God was or is in these stories but the truth is that God is so much bigger than these stories and we live in a fallen world which is sometimes yucky and painful and broken and sometimes it sucks. But it doesn't always suck. If you loom closely, and some times you have to look really hard. You will see glimpses of hope, and sparkles of beauty and things which remind you God is there.
I see hope in so many places now that I'm trying really hard to look. I see beauty in the ridiculous things my friends and I do, and in the joy it brings, I see beauty in the creation all around even as seasons change. I see hope in the conversations of faith and the prayerfulness of some of the older members of my church congregation.
So would I change the last 6 months of my life?!
NO! It's been hard at times but it's also been really fun. I've learned a lot and I've also cried a lot. I've felt out of my depth so often but I've also felt encouraged and empowered in what I was doing. God called me to this place and I might not directly see what difference I'm making but I am constantly reminded of Gods love and mercy and the Hope I have in him.
Years ago I have planned my whole life out in great detail.
Finish high school
Go to uni
Meet boy
Get married at 21
Have babies at 23, 25, 27, 29 years old
Once children are in school get into job.
I've realised how naive that plan was for my life. I'm 21 and feel so young. Way too young to marry.
I'm nowhere near finishing uni, it's really hard studying and doing life, I'm not fully convinced study is my thing. I'm really unsure if I want my own kids. I'm really passionate about fostering long term some older kids but I do t know about pregnancy. And I really want to travel, India, USA and Canada, I even wanna backpack around Australia.
I don't know there is a lot I wanna do with my life and I'm finding making decisions really hard. I think the main thing I desire at the moment is to have awesome friend who love life and aren't struggling, to be financially stable, to have a car so I don't have to depend on others and to find long term housing which allows me to easily without disrupting others be hospitable to friends, youth leaders and bible study group.
But God has sent me on this awesome journey to the country and I really love it here. I love the community and the slower pace, I love that I feel safe walking around and generally being here and there is loo worry about doors not being locked and stuff. I love the sporting community and atmosphere, I totally would have done sport growing up if it was like that in the city and you didn't have to pay a million bucks and be elite to get good sporting community.
I've made some wicked friendships since being here. I feel like when I was lonely and questioning what friendship meant these people appeared in my life and we make each other smile and laugh so much. I couldn't do without them, it would be boring and I would be uninspired without them.
The move here certainly hasn't been easy and if I'm real honest I would say there is a lot that worries me and brings me tears. I moved away from home and away from my family church 6 months ago and it's been really hard to go back. Things seem to have changed so much at church, there are heaps of new people and it's cool to hear what's going on for them, but in not a part of it and that's kind of sad. My mum and my brother seem much better off at home with a routine without me. They are cooking and cleaning and saving money better now. I'm really happy for them but sometimes I feel so far away. My niece and nephew are growing up and each time I hang out, with them they seem to want to hang out with my brother more than me. I really love them I am just distant.
Since being here, I've moved house a few times and in looking again for somewhere to move too. I really crave for the financial stability to be able to live somewhere long term but it just doesn't seem possible at the moment. Atleast I've been blessed with lovely hospitable member s of the church community who let me live in their spare room for the short term.
I've now secured 3 jobs since being here. At the church, at maccas and now at the local primary school as the cpsw or chaplain. Juggling hours and jobs and different roles is really tricky and especially when I don't have a car to get around in.
I feel really dependent on others in terms of transport and I really hate it, I feel like I lose my adulthood when I can't do things. I don't want to be dependent on others but that is the reality. I want to get my own car but am unsure if I can afford to buy one as well as pay rego and insurance and stuff.
I spend a lot of my time here trying to convince young people, friends and community members that life doesn't always suck. That there is hope and things are worth fighting for. And it's really tough thawing to have these convos all the time. Some of the stories I have heard from people are truly heart breaking and I long so much to see these people released from their pain and living free from their past. My heart breaks so much and probably much more than anyone could realise when I hear of this pain. Truth be told, sometimes life does sick, some of these stories prove it and some of these stories have made me question at times where God was or is in these stories but the truth is that God is so much bigger than these stories and we live in a fallen world which is sometimes yucky and painful and broken and sometimes it sucks. But it doesn't always suck. If you loom closely, and some times you have to look really hard. You will see glimpses of hope, and sparkles of beauty and things which remind you God is there.
I see hope in so many places now that I'm trying really hard to look. I see beauty in the ridiculous things my friends and I do, and in the joy it brings, I see beauty in the creation all around even as seasons change. I see hope in the conversations of faith and the prayerfulness of some of the older members of my church congregation.
So would I change the last 6 months of my life?!
NO! It's been hard at times but it's also been really fun. I've learned a lot and I've also cried a lot. I've felt out of my depth so often but I've also felt encouraged and empowered in what I was doing. God called me to this place and I might not directly see what difference I'm making but I am constantly reminded of Gods love and mercy and the Hope I have in him.
Years ago I have planned my whole life out in great detail.
Finish high school
Go to uni
Meet boy
Get married at 21
Have babies at 23, 25, 27, 29 years old
Once children are in school get into job.
I've realised how naive that plan was for my life. I'm 21 and feel so young. Way too young to marry.
I'm nowhere near finishing uni, it's really hard studying and doing life, I'm not fully convinced study is my thing. I'm really unsure if I want my own kids. I'm really passionate about fostering long term some older kids but I do t know about pregnancy. And I really want to travel, India, USA and Canada, I even wanna backpack around Australia.
I don't know there is a lot I wanna do with my life and I'm finding making decisions really hard. I think the main thing I desire at the moment is to have awesome friend who love life and aren't struggling, to be financially stable, to have a car so I don't have to depend on others and to find long term housing which allows me to easily without disrupting others be hospitable to friends, youth leaders and bible study group.
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