The Real Nicole.

Im a youth leader and the youth intern at my church, this means I get to do some really exciting things but also some really boring thing. Each week I spend one day in the church office, doing admin tasks such as updating the database with contact details, write letters, make the youth program, call places to book things, organising many of the details for youth camps.   I also have to write studies for our youth group and write devotions.   Part of my role as a youth leader is to have a bunch of fun while looking after, caring and contacting the youth im responsible for.   Each week I hang out with youth in small groups and talk about whats going on in their lives, talk faith and have heaps of fun.   I contact my girls most weeks to remind them of details for events and catch up and there are a few youth who I mentor so I have deeper conversations with about whats going on in their lives and support and encourage them in their faith.      I ...

The last month of so ive been reminded of where i was faith wise in high school.  I was asked about why i started this blog to which i think it was becuase i had so much faith questions, or how God was using me and challenging me and i wanted to share it with others.  I was reminded by a good friend and youth pastor that he remembers being in meetings for schools chaplaincy and my name getting mentioned as they talked about how passionate i was so see God's name prevail in my school, and how he had only just realised i was the same Nicole :) I reflect on the now, how my faith has turned into action now, am i living as passionately and as dangerously as i was in high school? my faith in high school seemed so simple, conversation about faith didnt end in a debate about the history of religion or the validity of the bible, it didnt result in comments and questions about groups of chirstians or churches who had made very public mistakes or had interesting methods or beliefs....

These July Holidays I road tripped to Sydney with a team from my church for Hillsong Conference. It was AMAZING! I went to confernece hoping to get a real passion for my faith and a passionate vision for incredible things. I wanted to become a person that God spoke to so clearly about vision and exciting things and i wanted to become crazy for Jesus. I had an amazing time at Hillsong. God spoke, i listened, i build community with a group of people i wasnt heaps close too, and i learnt a lot about myself. Pastor Steven Furtick spoke at Conference and one of his talks was titled, you are never really ready. this message spoke to me, im in a stage in my life where im trying to work out what i want to do with the rest of it, where my study will lead me, what kind of lifestyle i want in the future and what kind of career i want and most importantly, how im going to use my life to serve God. I have (i think) answers to many of this questions but i question a lot about how i can d...

last year, was not my year. The study I was doing I was not achieving in, I felt distant and lonely and I struggled to see myself as worthy and didn’t know who I was. I declared that 2012 would be the year of Nicole, a year where I achieved in study, a year where things worked for me and a year where I found myself deeply rooted in solid ministry, friendships and the love of Christ. So one of my questions of reflection has been how is the year of Nicole been working out for me? This year started off with a bang, i got my internship at my church working with youth and started studying at the Uniting College of Leadership and Theology doing a Bachelor of Ministry. I made some amazing friends at college and i actually am doing well in my study. I got my P Plate license which means i got more independence and freedom. So far the year of Nicole has been great, ive had so really tough times with study and some tough times in my internship and tough times as i question my developing ...

Today i took a few of my youth kids to a youth conference. it was a great conference and totally awesome to see people of so many different ages, worshipping and serving wholeheartedly. In the talks the speaker talked about having a vision for 2020 and looking toward that goal now, and working at that now. All the young people in that room will have finished high school by 2020, and be adults of at least 20y/o which is about how old i am, which was weird as i sat there thinking about that. i thought about where i wanted to be in 2020 - thats 8 years away making me 28 years old! There is so many things i hope i have achieved by then, but i am so confused and challeneged by what God wants me to have done and be doing by then. i always imagined i would be married   - with a child or two by the time i was 28 i WILL be finished studying ! I think i want to be a youth pastor   I think i want to do ministry   i want to have travelled overseas before im 28 ...

This week has been a funny week for me in terms of head space, i was struggling with something and i didnt know who to turn to and felt quite lonely because i felt like i didnt have any female friends to chit chat about the silly things with (looking back, i realise how silly that thought was then). I decided to first turn to God, i told Him of how lonely i felt and that i was struggling with something but wasnt ready to tell Him about it yet, but that i needed a good quality friend to cross my path at the right time to talk this over and remind me that i needed to give it over to Him. The next day this situation was on my mind all day and i just repeated, God give me someone to share my struggle with. Evening arrived and i still had stuff on my mind, i had logged on to Facebook but wasnt doing anything on it, aimlessly scrolling while watching TV, my laptop was sitting next to me for a while and i noticed one of my best friends who i had'nt spoken to in a few weeks had started ...

At church on Sunday night the sermon was titled Beyond Doubt, it was looking at John 20:24-29. It was such a powerful message and something i was challenged with enough to bring me to tears. This passage talks about one of the disciples, Thomas who wasnt with the others when they saw the risen Lord. He struggled to believe that it was true because he hadnt seen it. For more then a week he told his friends the disciples of his struggles and wrestled with his doubt. But He never gave up on Jesus even through his doubt. i think my head went on a little side track, but when thinking about the doubt Thomas had and the fact that he still tried to find out more about Jesus and kinda continue his faith through it. It challenged me as i thought of the doubt i had, not in God necessarily but in myself and that i often give up on it and that Thomas didnt let his doubt rule him so why do i. Also because Thomas was honest about where he was his heart was open to accept later. Ive been struggl...