through the emptiness

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Easter Camp this year was a bit of a weird experience for me.

Camp was so good because i got to hang with the other youth leaders heaps and get to know them. Made me feel like i really fitted in and was one of them. I also got to hang out and have a few deep convos with some of the youth girls. this was really cool coz i could share of my faith and got to find out a bit about what God was challenging them with. i loved to see God at work in the lives of others and especially when i got to see how GOd was working in the lives of my friends. gaev me a few tears!

i was a bit let down thou because i felt like i didnt really get to connect with the people my age. This time last year we were so tight everything was fun and there didnt seem to be much complication. Everything felt like it had changed this year. there were awkward tensions between people and we just werent a tight group. i missed that. i miss my friends. i miss fitting in. i miss true honest and raw friendship. i feel like everything has been so surface level.

The theme for this years camp was "All My Life" talking about how we can live our WHOLE lives for GOd and giving EVERYTHING over to God. it wasa good theme and such a good message, but i struggled to really connect and get a certain message out of camp. like camp was awesome but i couldnt really tell you anything i got out of camp necessarily.

Its actually quite possible i came home more confused then when i left for camp. On sunday night They talked about bondage that was holding us back from our faith i thought about my life and the stuff deep down inside which i had been hiding and i wanted it to be taken away, i wanted to give it over to God i wanted to be released but i didnt feel i was. i wonder God chooses the times he answers our prayers. he works in his time. is now not the time for me to let go? does the holy spirit not work in that time frame even though esencially GOd adn the holy spirit are one? or did i just not wanna give it up from the bottom of my heart? Was there an oposing force holding me back? Why did i feel so empty?

Even though i didnt feel much of Gods spirit moving this easter camp doesnt mean i love my God any less. My God is an awesome God and it was an awesome thing to see God move in so many young peoples lives over the weekend. God has a plan and he wouldnt throw me anything he knew i couldnt handle. i know i need to trust in God and his plans!

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