The Real Nicole.

Over the last few weeks, South Australia and other parts of eastern states have faced some massive storms.  Cyclone strength winds, rain, flooding landslides and statewide power outages have battered the state and left people struggling and questioning what season it really is. I have done a bit of driving recently, from my home in Naracoorte to Adelaide.  I have seen the affects of the weather on the land across the state as I've travelled and there is a few things which has stood out to me. Being the good theological student I am, I have reflected on this experience from a lens of the bible and some of my own internal turmoil currently.  Let me share some of my reflections with you. The main thing i have noticed is that the strong winds and ground which is unusually wet often results in trees falling over.  Now some trees stay standing tall, but others seem to fall over, why is that? I think the thing that makes the trees fall over is that the tree roots ar...

I went to NYALC (National Young Adult leaders Conference) this last week and I sort of hoped to have a break from leadership. In hindsight a leadership conference probably wasn't the best place for a rest and time away from leadership and ministry. But I did have a fab time. One of the things I was most challenged about was around who I am and the confidence I can have in who and what God has called me to be.  I often find myself feeling so fearful of the future and what might be in store for me. I also doubt if I am skilled, passionate or charismatic enough to do these things I'm called to do. We spent a bit of time at NYALC talking around being created in Gods image and being a child of God knowing He has gone before us.  Relating my Christian faith to family has always been something I've really struggled with and this week I wrestled with it even more than I have previously. What does it mean to say you are a child of God? When we look at family and how ...

I often talk about calling and how I so strongly felt called to move to the country to do youth ministry. I talk about wanting to listen to what God has to say about the ministry I am passionate about.  But what happens if the logistics and realities of life seem to be getting in between my calling?  For the last couple of weeks I fasted, 21 days in a Daniel fast. Meals consisting of fruit and vegetable. A spiritual practice I hadn't tried before. I did this for a few reasons. I wanted to learn some disciple in my faith. I wanted to intentionally spend time trying to draw closer to God. I wanted to allow space in my life to hear from God, particularly on matters of importance around calling and the future. I also wanted to pray around the finances of our church as it was in a bad situation.  What did I learn and hear during my fast? Not a lot and quite a lot.  I learnt that while food is a love language and a place which welcomes hospitality; for me it ...

Tonight I feel ugh. I feel it because I feel alone. Abandoned. Separate. Distance. From people I call my friends.  People that don't answer my phone calls, people that take a week or so to reply to a text message, people who don't seem to need me as a friend, people who despite all that I deeply care for.   I don't know if I've done friendships wrong, I've certainly made mistakes plenty of times. And I was the one who moved away so I guess it's my responsibility to take the lead in the friendship if I want to continue them. But I can't help but feel sorry for myself and ask, can't they see that I need their love, support, encouragement, friendship? Can't they see that my social media only displays ministry moments and the social posts are far in between.  I'm probably being very selfish to want deep friendship from these people. These people are genuinely good people, they are passionate, motivated and busy people who are following th...

This is my 5th year studying at Uniting College, I'm about $30000 in student loan debts, and only have successfully completed about half of a degree so far.  If that wasn't enough of an opening statement to prove that study just isn't my thing, I'll finish it off by saying that I've been doing distance education for the last 2.5 years which is extra tricky and have issues with self worth and most of the time feel stupid studying ministry when I don't know anything and especially since I don't know where my future lies.  I've found it frustrating hearing from people who used to study at college saying things like, I never got anything less than a distinction and I'd only been a Christian for a short time before studying. Or commenting on the subject selections or had made. This year, I have approached study differently to before. It's not because I've looked at the debt I have and realised I can't afford to fail - although that...

Every Monday I'm asked a couple of questions. Every Monday I spend a while pondering and trying to justify myself. Every Monday I feel myself testing out how genuine I am.  You see I'm in a group for country leaders who are connected with Christian Endeavour camps in SA.  This group is here to support encourage and resource country people.  Every Monday I'm asked; 1. Where have I seen God at work this last week? 2. What can the CE community pray for in my region/life? They aren't complicated questions, and in general I'm really thankful that there are people asking regularly because i am reminded to reflect and be observant of what's happening in and around me.  The thing I struggle with in these questions on a Monday is that I want to give an ideal and make it sound like things are amazing. But sometimes I can't see God at work. Sometimes I can't hear God and sometimes I just don't know what in the region or my town is expressing...

So I moved to Naracoorte exactly 2 years ago today, I have a 3 year contract at the Uniting Church here as the Youth Pastor.  Let me tell you though, I wasn't sure I would make it this far and I wasn't sure I would be able to see it through to the end. I found it particularly hard and wanted to give up. Heading towards the end of 2015, I was feeling pretty rubbish, I was tired, stressed and feeling pretty anxious about everything.  In October I took my youth to SAYCO youth camp and then after I spent a week in the Gold Coast at NYMC a conference for youth leaders and pastors.  I wasn't sure at the time if I would actually return to Naracoorte after it because I was feeling pretty done with everything.  But at the conference I stayed with some pretty encouraging and supporting people and met and learnt from a lot of quality leaders from around the country.  These people encouraged, supported and challenged me to stick with it and trust that God was with me in t...