Beating the alone feeling in a crowd
One thing I've really struggled with since being Is Naracoorte is making friends. Don't get me wrong I've got some mates. But every week at church it's a real struggle to know who I should sit with. I pray that youth will come and not have their family with them to sit with. Often I sit alone. It's not nice.
A few years ago I wrote for the New Times (Uniting Church SA magazine) about being a young adult in church and not being treated as an adult because its the church you grew up in and older members of church don't really realise you have grown up because they remember you as a kid.
I thought when I moved churches and started in leadership I would be treated as an adult. But I still find that difficult in my new context. Not because people are horrible but I think because the age gap is big. Most of the church congregation is 40 years old and older. In fact I think there are maybe 5 people aged 20-40 in the congregation. Then there are youth. Now these other four 20-40y/os are married so lucky me doesn't fit into that box so gets thrown into the box with the youth. I love the youth, but they are my people.
Recently I've been given feedback about being a leader in every moment rather than just with youth. Meaning learn to lead up to those older than you as well as my peers. I thought I could do that, I thought I was doing that. Turns out I'm not and I don't know how to fix that. I think this is connected to how I have been at this church for over 12 months and don't really feel like I have friends. There are people I'm friendly with, but it a lot of people I would hang out with or would call if I needed help.
Before I moved to Naracoorte, I thought I knew quite a lot. I thought I had life sorted. Now I realise how much I don't know. I am now someone who is more open to learning. However I also am much less confident than I was prior to moving. I think I'm becoming a little more introverted.
I don't know how to interact with other adults, I'm trying really hard. I'm in this fantastic life group with people in their 50/60s from church. They are great and really nice me inclusive but I feel so little compared to them. Many are grandparents and I'm to same age as their kids or grandkids.
Maybe I'm trying to look for what I had in Adelaide? Maybe that's unrealistic.
I'm looking for youth leaders too without much success. Maybe my standard is unrealistic, maybe I expect too much from them, maybe I have the wrong idea of leadership.
All I know is that I can't do ministry alone, I can't do life alone and I desperately want some people my age to do life/faith/church with.
A few years ago I wrote for the New Times (Uniting Church SA magazine) about being a young adult in church and not being treated as an adult because its the church you grew up in and older members of church don't really realise you have grown up because they remember you as a kid.
I thought when I moved churches and started in leadership I would be treated as an adult. But I still find that difficult in my new context. Not because people are horrible but I think because the age gap is big. Most of the church congregation is 40 years old and older. In fact I think there are maybe 5 people aged 20-40 in the congregation. Then there are youth. Now these other four 20-40y/os are married so lucky me doesn't fit into that box so gets thrown into the box with the youth. I love the youth, but they are my people.
Recently I've been given feedback about being a leader in every moment rather than just with youth. Meaning learn to lead up to those older than you as well as my peers. I thought I could do that, I thought I was doing that. Turns out I'm not and I don't know how to fix that. I think this is connected to how I have been at this church for over 12 months and don't really feel like I have friends. There are people I'm friendly with, but it a lot of people I would hang out with or would call if I needed help.
Before I moved to Naracoorte, I thought I knew quite a lot. I thought I had life sorted. Now I realise how much I don't know. I am now someone who is more open to learning. However I also am much less confident than I was prior to moving. I think I'm becoming a little more introverted.
I don't know how to interact with other adults, I'm trying really hard. I'm in this fantastic life group with people in their 50/60s from church. They are great and really nice me inclusive but I feel so little compared to them. Many are grandparents and I'm to same age as their kids or grandkids.
Maybe I'm trying to look for what I had in Adelaide? Maybe that's unrealistic.
I'm looking for youth leaders too without much success. Maybe my standard is unrealistic, maybe I expect too much from them, maybe I have the wrong idea of leadership.
All I know is that I can't do ministry alone, I can't do life alone and I desperately want some people my age to do life/faith/church with.
I myself was under Doctor's orders once to join the at night group as they were called (Now MaxLife) . I used to go to the Church Of Christ before but found that there was no one in my age group to hang out with! Things did pick up for me for a while with the MaxLife group till they got married and had kids of their own. Now I find myself back in the same situation as what you're experiencing, so please don't think your alone in this situation .
ReplyDeleteHoping /Praying you find some Friends to hang with that don't make you feel like you're at work.
Regards
John Carter