The Real Nicole.

"Well, it must be so fun and full of joy to always get to play with children for your job. Colouring in, bubbles and craft, I have the older ones-  teenagers, they are starting to have the real issues, its difficult, doing what I do, it  must be for easy and fun for you." This was the start of a conversation I found myself in the other week, in that moment I had a choice of responses to make, I could either; A) Smile and agree B) shut them down, argue and tell them about the 'real issues' I had faced with the children in my care in that last fortnight. C) smile and tell them how its not always that simple and easy but how its a privilege to walk alongside and listen to children in the joy of colouring in and the pain of life. I chose option C.  Even though I really wanted to take option B and get all 'real issues' on them.  You see it really is a privilege to walk alongside and listen to children, and sometimes it is fun and games and full of bubbles

It seems that there comes a time when the question of identity is foundational in moving to the next step of adulthood.  I started this year really confident, sure of who I was and called; ready to face the next part of my life.  However what came next I wasn't ready for. I wasn't ready to be told my next adventure involved waiting and learning to articulate better. I didn't realise that this would throw me off completely, sending me into a quarter life crisis, leaving me asking questions of my identity in many different ways. I found myself nose-deep in books about theology and found myself for the first time actually researching and reading in an attempt to understand what I was thinking.  I have found myself stripping back my commitments in hope of finding where my passions beat most strongly.  I have left communities and friendship groups that made me feel like I needed to disguise who I truly thought I was called to be, in order to feel more free.  It has been du