What is in a name? Who am I?

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I went to NYALC (National Young Adult leaders Conference) this last week and I sort of hoped to have a break from leadership. In hindsight a leadership conference probably wasn't the best place for a rest and time away from leadership and ministry.

But I did have a fab time. One of the things I was most challenged about was around who I am and the confidence I can have in who and what God has called me to be. 

I often find myself feeling so fearful of the future and what might be in store for me. I also doubt if I am skilled, passionate or charismatic enough to do these things I'm called to do.

We spent a bit of time at NYALC talking around being created in Gods image and being a child of God knowing He has gone before us. 

Relating my Christian faith to family has always been something I've really struggled with and this week I wrestled with it even more than I have previously. What does it mean to say you are a child of God? When we look at family and how our identity comes from our heritage and our family roots, what does it mean when you don't have strong family ties? 

I am identified by my family name. Known, loved and cared for by the identity I have formed with that name. But what happens when I don't feel connected to that family? What happens if to some extent I feel shame to have that name. Maybe it's just a name and I shouldn't worry about it so much. But can I truly own that name and let it shape part of my identity when I know so little about my family heritage and history?

I'm not sure I got answers to these questions, but what I did clearly see at NYALC was that Gods family was big and diverse and full of life in all different kinds of fun. While I'm not sure what it means personally to be a child of God in relation to my family. I'm happy to be one of Gods children together when it means I am in relationship with all of the people of God. 

I think to understand better who I am, I need to know more about who God the creator of all things is. I begin to understand who I am when I identify why I follow Jesus and what God means to me. 

We are Gods masterpiece and are beautiful because of that. But I've been wondering, do all masterpieces have to be finished before they are beautiful? Sometimes in the moulding stage of a creation there is real beauty in the rawness and real was of what is being formed. 

I hope I never think of myself as a finished creation but hope that God is always refining me and making me better. 

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